Forgive us our debts

 

Psalm 25: 1-10
New Ark United Church of Christ, Newark, DE
February 21, 2021

“To you, O God, I lift up my soul.
My Help, it is you I have trusted.

“Don’t let shame overtake me.
Don’t let my enemies exult over my ruin.” 

- The Complete Psalms: The Book of Prayer Songs in a New Translation,

   by Pamela Greenberg



There’s been a fair amount of shame going around this past week. Senator Ted Cruz was shamed into returning to Texas after taking his family to Cancun and leaving the family dog in their freezing house. Joel Osteen was shamed into opening his Lakewood church in Houston in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey and has now opened his church as a warming center and shelter. Tim Boyd, the now-former mayor of Colorado City, TX was shamed into resigning after a social media tirade in which he said that the government had no responsibility to help and that only the strong would survive. New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is being shamed in the news for underreporting the number of COVID-19 cases in nursing homes and upholding law that gives blanket immunity to these facilities for Coronavirus related deaths.



To be sure, it is indeed shameful to not help people, to neglect, harm, or abandon those who desperately need care and assistance; in fact, it is criminal in most if not all cases. We do not want our leaders to be numb to wrongdoing; we want them to feel the shame of their actions, the pain they have caused. To shame such behavior can give us a false sense of control. Punishment gives us a sense that justice has been done. And yet shame and punishment have not done much to create caring and lasting change in humanity; in fact, they can do a great deal of damage and do not serve well as deterrents. Most people know the difference between right and wrong, what is harmful and what is helpful, and yet still we are more apt to behave in our own self-interest.

Author and social scientist Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Granted this is a definition of shame as it is experienced in the Western and Northern part of our world. So when she calls it the most primitive emotion we all feel and that one that no one wants to talk about it, she’s speaking to us.

How do we grow, be accountable for our actions, without shame and being punitive? Shame and punishment can disconnect and isolate us from community and relationships, the very things that make healing, redemption, and restoration possible.

The first time I can remember feeling shame is the summer when I was 10 years old. I didn’t have many school friends, especially girls. I was what was then called a tomboy: I preferred jeans and t-shirts to skirts or dresses and I would rather play kickball than jump rope at recess. Recess was one of the many things so gendered it was ridiculous. And painful. So when a girl in my class invited me over to swim in her pool with some other friends, my mind leaped over my mother’s warning not to use my brother’s bike to ride over there, because it was his bike and he was at a friend’s house. My bike had a flat tire and couldn’t be fixed in time for me to go. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but I was desperate to go, to be included, to belong, so of course I took my brother’s bicycle.

It was wonderful, splashing around in the water on a hot day, laughing with girls my age, feeling like one of the group for a change. After I had been there for about twenty minutes, my mother called and asked to speak to me. As she chastised me over the phone, hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I tried to explain how I felt, but I was told in no uncertain terms that I was to leave immediately, and I would be grounded as soon as I got home.

It wasn’t just guilt I was experiencing; I felt awful and humiliated. I didn’t even change out of my bathing suit; I just put a t-shirt over my wet suit and my towel and the rest of my clothes and shoes in a bag that I carried on the handlebars. As I pedaled home barefoot, my shoulder-length hair dripping over my face like a mop, I felt ugly, as though everyone was looking at me with pity.

I felt shame because we lived in a messy, cluttered house, because we didn’t have a lot of money, because my father sometimes acted strange, what I would later know as alcoholism. A few years later I felt the shame of my parents’ separation and divorce. I was convinced that nothing normal would ever happen to me, to the degree that I was shocked when I passed my driver’s test the first time.

We all have our stories with shame and punishment, and there’s no comparing the pain of them. We share them to lessen their power and increase our courage to be vulnerable. We’ve all made our share of mistakes and transgressions, and as much as we’d like God to forget them, I think it’s our own memory we can’t live with sometimes. 

I hope though too that we also have our own stories of unconditional love and wholeheartedness, and there’s no comparing them either but these are the ones that heal the pain of shame and restore us to belonging. I hope we all have at least one person in our story who helped us recognize the pathway of truth, who reminded us that it is compassion and kindness that have sustained the world from the beginning of time.



Think of that person now and give thanks for them.



A few minutes ago we sang about our chains being gone, being ransomed and set free, and for some of us that language is either strange or we left it behind us. But when we think of the debt we owe to those who loved us when we were in our shame; that shame can take hold of the best and tender part of ourselves; and that our Savior comes to us in many forms and one of them is community; and we realize once again the power that wholehearted love and acceptance have to shape us in a way we didn’t think was possible.



Psalm 25 is attributed to David, not as a young man but as one looking back on his life; not as he began, as a shepherd, but as king, one who sometimes abused his power and authority and ruined lives. And yet even as God held David accountable for his sins, God also did not abandon him in shame. Even as David broke God’s commandments, God kept covenant with David, because God loved David even though he was flawed. And I think because of that love, David was capable of guilt and remorse, which are part of the desire to stay in relationship. Many of the Psalms are the witness of how David remained in relationship with the God who loved him no matter what.

In a word, belonging. We belong to each other, to God, and to ourselves. And we need to be in relationship with one another, connected to each other, vulnerable with one another, showing up especially in the face of all this uncertainty, because so very much is at stake. And the first step of showing up is admitting we need help, because none of us does this alone. I offered this prayer by Ted Loder on Ash Wednesday last week. It sounds like King David. It sounds like something our elected leaders need to hear. It sounds like where we all need to begin if anything is going to change.



"Holy One, grant me your peace,
for I have made peace
with what does not give peace
and I am afraid.



“Drive me deep, now,
to face myself so I may see
that what I truly need to fear is
my capacity to deceive
and willingness to be deceived,
my loving of things
and using of people,
my struggle for power
and shrinking of soul,
my addiction to comfort
and sedation of conscience,
my readiness to criticize
and reluctance to create,
my clamor for privilege
and silence at injustice,
my seeking for security
and forsaking the kin-dom.



“Holy One, grant me your peace.
Instill in me such fear of you
as will begin to make me wise,
and such quiet courage
as will enable me to begin to make
hope visible,
forgiving delightful,
loving contagious,
faith liberating,
peace-making joyful
and myself open and present
to other people
and your kin-dom." 

- Guerrillas of Grace, by Ted Loder (adapted)



Amen.



Benediction



Take time to be holy
Speak oft with your God
Confide in God always
And feed on God’s word
Make friends of God’s children
Help those who are weak
Forgetting in nothing
God’s blessing to seek.